Yesterday I crashed… and it was only 10 miles into our ride… it was painful, I was royally pissed (not very awesome of me) and wasn’t sure if I’d be able to ride today. I woke up this morning in a place that is like home to me… raised my arm and shouted to Bo, “Look… Look… I can lift my arm!” Well… I did it once… it hurt… really bad but only broken legs and arms were going to keep me off my bike today (or a missing bike…).
We first hit my favorite coffee shop in Chattanooga, Chattz, then headed off to try and find team Polka-Dot. TN is beautiful country… but rather hilly… It seemed like every twist and turn in the van was meant to make me question if I should be riding. At each switchback I’d tense up and the pain would make me wince. But then we made it to Spencer, TN and decided to change into our riding gear at the local library. That’s where we met Denise. A woman fighting breast cancer. We added her name to our van and things started to come back into perspective.
It made me think of my buddy David, to whom Bo and I dedicated this ride. David Beadles was a friend of ours from Grad School who was diagnosed with skin cancer last year. Early thirties, seemingly healthy, married with a beautiful little girl and a rock-star at his company. By the time he left us in September 2008, there were painful spots of cancer popping up all over his body.
It made me think of my old Sunday school teacher Jan Dybdahl who has been fighting breast cancer for years and the pain inflicted upon her and her entire family as she has battled this disease.
It made me think of Laurens , who is a breast cancer survivor, was suppose to be a rider this year, however she got cancer again and is currently undergoing chemo… did I mention she STILL came along with us in the midst of treatment??
It made me think of Jerry Scroggins. My coworker who was definitely brought into my life for a reason neither of us knew when we first met… maybe this is it. Jerry was recently diagnosed with bladder cancer that has spread to other areas, including his lymph nodes… I remembered reading his caringbridge site post after his last chemo treatment and talking to him on Saturday as we were getting packed up and ready to go on this ride. I thought about him mentioning how surprised he was regarding how painful Thursday’s treatment was… and how much pain he’s been in for the past few years trying to figure out what’s wrong. He was trying to figure out a way to drive 9+ hours to meet us on the route… or to find ways to make it to Austin to meet the entire team when we roll in. He’s lifting me up, praying for me… supporting me… What have I done to deserve all of this? That’s my job! I’m the one who is suppose to be lifting him up, supporting him, praying for him, riding in his honor.
So… I would ride today come hell or high water. Our wonderful medics got my shoulder wrapped so the pain was manageable and then went to find my bike. With my crash the night before the mechanics grabbed it to give it a once over before our next shift… it was about 15 miles up the road so jumped in the van, got my bike… rode back to the team with Bob (one of our awesome trusty mechanics from The Great Escape)… jumped on the pace train my teammates were rockin and we rolled on…
At first it wasn’t bad. I just got into my bike position and pedaled. The flats and downhill were great because I really didn’t have to change my position, which meant my shoulder was okay. About 1/2 way through our shift I could start to feel it getting worse… there were a few rollers and a couple of times where I needed to get out of the saddle… and that’s when it was really bad… and that’s also when I thought of my list. Specifically I thought of Jerry… his words of encouragement to me on Saturday, “use my cancer, my pain to get you through.” Jerry is fighting for his life. It’s painful and scary. My pain? My fight? It’s nothing. He’s the reason we’re doing this. So all those doctors who couldn’t find his cancer when he first started showing symptoms find it sooner. So we don’t have to wonder, “will I be the 1 in 3 who gets it?”
I go to sleep tonight, praying for Jerry and all of those on my list. Using their cancer, their pain, their fight to put things in perspective and keep me going. In a few days my shoulder pain will just be a dull ache, but they will still be fighting for their lives.
So RideStrong P3C3 friends and never forget why we’re doing this… in the cold, in the rain, in the light, in the dark… we ride to pick a fight with this awful disease called cancer!
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10 users responded in this post
Nikki, stay strong! Your words are so strong to me this morning. I feel your pain because I have faced the cancer beast…your determination and never give up attitude is amazing! I will continue to pray for safe riding but I will also be praying specifically for you as you heal. May God keep blessing each of you riders and may you feel His presence all around you! Keep Laurens safe for me, please. she is my girl!!
much love and many prayers!
Melissa Smith
Nikki – keep putting the ride into perspective – the hard work has already been done (the fundraising and preparation) this is the celebration -the part you’ve been waiting for – but also make sure your team is “with you” Your team should only go as fast as the slowest rider – if that’s you, then so be it – it’s not about the pace or making the transition point – it’s about riding 6 hrs (if you can) with your team, as a team, and as you point out – remembering those , both known and unknown, who you are riding for.
Keep moving forward – hope your shoulder feels better each day – this is just a blip on the radar – stay focused and Ridestrong!
Nikki, that was beautifully written and a supreme example of why we do this ride. Thank you for taking on the struggle which has obviously been very real for you. “Struggle” is defined differently for each of us and you will reach new lows as well as new highs this week. Thanks for sharing!
Nikki, What an inspiration you are to everyone. Keep up the good work and stay safe. How fortunate to have those good medics with you. Hopefully, you’ll get some rest today. (Kerrie Sijon’s MoM)
Nikki, When I talked to Robin the first night she told me about your accident. Was bummed to hear about it and never have felt more helpless in my life. Call in the middle of the night, cold weather, and to find out one of my friends fell on their bike earlier. As I have mentioned to a few people already, thank you for what you are doing in this challenge…personally, it means alot to me and my family that you were willing to put in the training, time, effort, and commitment that it takes to conquer this ride. I track everyone all the time and having your posts really gives us a sense of what everyone is going through. RiDeStRonG to TEAM AWESOME ! ! ! !
Nikki,you are an awesome human being,thanks for sharing that.
Nikki – you demonstrate the best in each of us and I am proud to call you my friend. Debbie and I will be praying for you today as you recuperate and prepare to ride again. I am asking God’s healing hand touch your shoulder and body providing your relief and strength as you carry the ride for us.
Dana said it right, this is the celebration part of the Ride to Austin and I hope you, Bo and the others toiling the roads this week, enjoy the fight against cancer. Ride STRONG, Live STRONG!
You go girl! Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Nikki – we are in the back of the Mellow Yellow Wagon and we are catching up on post to the blog..yours was a POWERFUL reminder of what we are doing and why we are doing it. It brought Jenn and Bethie poo to tears…thanks for posting….Glad you are feeling better. Love from the dark side…the mellow yellows…
The shoulder joint is the most frequently dislocated major joint of the body. In a typical case of a dislocated shoulder, a strong force that pulls the shoulder outward (abduction) or extreme rotation of the joint pops the ball of the humerus out of the shoulder socket.
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