To say I’m exhausted doesn’t even begin to explain how I feel.  I should be sleeping but instead my mind is racing and my heart is bouncing between full and heavy.

I’ve struggled all day to concentrate on tasks for work and yet now my mind is racing back over the last week.  There are so many great memories…..too many to list and ones I will never forget.  The ones that stand out the most for me tonight are hearing some of our warriors speak at the banquet.  Hearing their stories through trembling lips of remembered agony of hearing diagnoses and joys of revelations of the important things in life had me in tears that night and again tonight.  Walking the 5k with them and knowing that was no small task for some of them was inspirational.  They are beacons of light in what sometimes feels like a dark and stormy world.  They give life perspective as to what’s truly important.  They show me blessings I know are there but take for granted at times.  They make me smile through tears and give me strength.

My regret is that there weren’t more days and my body didn’t possess more energy to spend more time with each warrior individually.  Saturday after the 5k walk while at Mellow Johnny’s for the second of what would be three times to get gifts, I hit a wall like I’ve not hit in years.  To say I couldn’t think is more than an understatement.  I honestly didn’t think I would get back to the hotel before I fell asleep.  My intention was to lay down for an hour.  Three plus hours later I finally was awakened by a phone call.  Now mind you I had missed five earlier calls and several texts.  My phone was screaming and I was not conscious.   I’m not sure why this year was far more exhausting than what I remember of last year.  I had made a vow to myself that this year I would be more present and take it all in.  Laying here tonight and thinking back over the week, I’m not sure that’s physically possible….at least for me.  There is so much to do and so little time and a deficit of energy to compound the matter.  So as I lay here feeling like I failed at what my intentions were, I’m reminded it was one weekend.  While coming days won’t be in Austin, I hope I can be blessed with more times to spend with my C3 family and our warriors.  Love you all!!

I am truly amazed and astonished at the strength and energy our warriors possess!  They are truly inspirations!  I pray for their source of strength to forever be in abundance and their health to get better and better.  I’m devoted to them and to this ride to fight cancer but would love it if someday I just ride to ride because there isn’t a need to fight cancer any longer.  Hope God heard that……………

The Top 20 reasons why I will always participate in the Challenge
20. I get smarter:
I learn new words like Cartilager
Crossword puzzles actually can be solved in 8 hours
What not to do on the Trace – Mark H.
What happens when you run your wheel through animal poo
How many bottled waters does it take to shower and brush your teeth. (9)
Slayer has a new meaning and makes me smile instead of squishing my face so I look like a cabbage patch doll
Who has the fastest phone…. Ron

19. Funny stories and happenings- a lot of funny stories. When you are sleep deprived, hungry, and well….. not very clean, you will say anything to make anyone laugh, even if it means throwing yourself under the bus… Not sure Ron will ever be the same after the CARscares. Someone please play with Jeni. Did someone turn off the air back here. Where did Martha Laura and Ashley go? Are they still in the back?

18. Natchez Trace is an amazing place to pray and to feel one with God. You find yourself being held by God’s hands the entire ride. The trace is like a giant hug enveloping your body. The trace makes you feel like you really are loved by your team, by God and the energy that comes off the trace carries you through many many miles.

17. Because I like the recovery beverages, even if I haven’t exercised

16. Snuggling for 5 days straight- sometimes for more than 5 hours

15. No Cell phone reception can actually be a good thing:
It allows you to hug your kids that much harder when you see them
It also allows you to hug your husband even tighter then you normally would when you see him after a looooong sweaty shift of cycling and he doesn’t care…..
It allows you to focus on things like your team mates and what they are experiencing
It allows you to recharge your love for your work.
You think about brushing your teeth more- it was a 10.5 hour day in the van…..what can I say

14. I learn things about myself that I didn’t know before:
How long I can bite my tongue…… 10hours and 33 minutes.
Again, how many bottled waters it takes for a shower
That I can pee anywhere
That I can actually travel 10.5 hours in a car and not go crazy if I skipped my meds
Too much chips and salsa= a long time in a small room with a sink. And they don’t taste good the second time around when on a bike.
I can be as small as I want
That I can pedal when I don’t want to pedal
I can exfoliate in a van
Baby Wipes really do feel refreshing

13. I can get a great AB workout in the Van

12. I feel like a kid in the car instead of an adult.

11. I love seeking out new adventures with close friends

10. People do Crazy Funny things that you would never in a million years expect to see them do normally.

9. It brings out the good in everyone.

8. The Challenge is contagious, infectious, inspiring, empowering, and it gives you a sense of peace, and warm fuzzies when strangers come up and tell you a story….. and then thank you for riding the ride.

7. Because I am using my God Given Talents to give back to others.

6. I have an excuse not to eat healthy

5. Because I like to climb:
Mountains
Cars
Stairs
Into fountains
Statues
Monuments
Cars
Over, Under, around and through
….. and I never thought I would say I like to climb

4. I get to use a walkie talkie

3. I get a free massage almost every day

2. Because it makes a difference- an honest to goodness difference. Strangers thank you for making a difference and you know in your heart, your mind, and your body that you are doing the right thing……. When a stranger hands you $60 after you just finished riding your last leg on Highway 7 and you wanted to quit 30 minutes before that. Having strangers thank you ….. Having strangers thank you, having strangers thank you……

The number one reason why ……. Well of course it is going to be a good one:

Watching Krista dance with her husband and the smile they had on each other’s faces when 1 year and 1 week ago she was given 2 weeks to live….. and because now she CAN ride…. And I CAN ride, and all those that I honored on this ride that are dealing with the effects of this disease and….. I know for every right foot that goes around that pedal… I am investing my sweat and my leg’s to help change the direction of cancer….. That someday I may not ever need to say….. I can’t ride in the sun, or I can’t ride because of my surgery, or that I have lost a loved one or a friend has lost a loved one.

Last year it was accepting the card I have been dealt with for me and my daughter, the year before it was about honoring my father, The first year, it was all about meeting amazing people who truly believe in you, who care what happens to you, who want to see you beat this disease, and who do not judge you on your looks, the level of cancer you have.

This year it was about watching someone else cross the finish line when she thought she would never be on a bike, in Texas, with her husband, and having a team full of people cheering her on every…..step….. of the way…….. Seeing her beautiful smile, listening to other warriors and their cry for hope and their shouts of joy for their accomplishments in their battle. This year, it was about them, not about me….. not about my family and our battle, it was about pushing that behind me, and seeing what the TEAM sees when we honor a warrior. It was about getting to learn more about a person, deeply, truly and telling them DO NOT GIVE UP. It doesn’t matter how old you are or how young you are. What matters to us is knowing we care, we want to see you pull through and not let cancer define you. Empower yourself, get moving, feel good again, and let us help you in any way possible.

Thank you Austin, Thank you Ron and Jennifer, Thank you C3 family, and most important thank you to all of you how have supported this ride, I wish we could take you on the journey when we ride so that you can see how much heart and soul is poured into making this happen. If it were not for the supporters we could not be out there spreading the message. I am sure I have a few more blogs in me…. But until then, continue reading…. Many of us are living off of less than 3 hours of sleep per day for the past 9 days….. so our thought process is a little slack.

Ps
I Love you twins, Thank you Karen and Mark and Nina for taking care of our precious little girls. Thank you to all of my family and friends who asked how they can help.

Krista and TC at the LiveStrong Dinner Saturday Night 2011

Well, I probably let everybody down if they were expecting to read my blogs. It’s tricky to do on a cellphone from the rumbleseat of a moving vehicle over bumpy roads when reading gives you motionsickness and the most comfortable seating arrangement involves propping one foot at a time on the ceiling. Seriously, the most difficult part of this ride was the time we had to spend sitting still. That was made easier by the wonderful attitudes of all of my teammates. I could not have asked for a better group of brave companions for this journey. Our second day began on the Natchez Trace @ 6am in the dark. That was just a bit tricky since we had very little experience riding together as a team and didin’t know what to expect from one another. In the dark, it was difficult to keep track of how we were doing working together. After sunrise and a brief meeting of minds, that got easier. The day was misty and beautiful. Temperatures could not have been better for me.  We watched the moon set in the West, but the sunrise was hidden by the trees and clouds.  We rolled merrily along with frequent breaks for photographs. Toward the end of our shift, the rain grew a bit heavier, but it was never unpleasant. We transitioned with the polka dots around noon and tidied up for our turns on the massage table with Kelly, perhaps the most popular person on the ride.  Then we headed off to find some lunch and a hotel. While our incredible team mom and dad, Sally and Dave, were watching the laundry go round and round, I made a foray for some chocolate milk.  Sally and Dave take wonderful care of us.  I don’t know how they do it.  That has to be one of the hardest jobs in this project, and they do it so very well.  I feel loved!

Wednesday, after much deliberation about rendezvous points, we set out at noon.  The air was hot, the roads were bumpy, dusty, and edged with cotton flotsam.  Just about the time I was beginning to feel the toll of the heat and the fierce headwind, the air cooled, and the rain relieved us of our fatigue.  It poured!  Some of my team mates saw hail.  I enjoyed every minute of it.  Rivers of runoff gushed across the road in front of us.  I suppose it delayed us a bit, but it definitely made the ride more friendly to my physiology.  We transitioned with our buddies, the Polka Dots @ 6:00pm, and loaded up for some dinner at a place called, “the Landing.”  I had the alligator, blackened.  It tasted like chicken, but with more bite  The grain was much coarser, and the texture considerably more chewy, but not tough.  I also had some crawdad etouffee, except with little accent marks over the first and second e’s, only I don’t know how to do that on the computer, so you will have to pencil them in on your screen.  It was very tasty and nearly covered the flavour of the  slightly brackish water that accompanied the meal.  Note to self:  carry bottled water through Louisiana next year.

Thursday around 6:00pm Keith and Justina joined us on our short ride in to Austin.  It was fun to have them along for the ride.  We took a different route than the rides of previous years to minimize interaction with rush hour traffic.  I think it worked out quite well.  We rolled through beautiful countryside.  Many of the roads have longitudinal fissures snaking along the right side and to the center of the lane with some pronounced step-offs, so we had to be cautious.  We were.  Our team worked together, and we suffered no mishap.  Alright, I kind of spun along in my own little world up front, and they just let me play for a while.  It felt good.  Thanks for understanding, Team Livelong.  Then, we regrouped to get our night lights and rode into Austin in a proper double pace line to the enthusiastic cheers of our team mates.

Next year, I hope we can recruit a team of more relaxed riders to balance the pace of the enthusiastic riders.  We need five.   The greatest challenge this year was trying to adjust the transition points forward since all of the teams rode faster than anticipated.  Our support staff really had to scramble to recalculate our hotel locations and transport times.  We added in some doubling back and extra loops so that our little team would get our last ride in.  I do appreciate all the effort that went into that, by the way.  ”Bringing it Home” was quite the honor.

What that last blog was supposed to say was that I had to look up “peloton” in Dictionary.com back in May when I did the Stars and Stripes Challenge. Now, I’m seeing pelotons all over the place. I saw a huge peloton of bats leaving from under the bridge over the Colorado River. Not a one of them overlapped wheels or went down. They were all in perfect form!

I did the “Livestrong Challenge” ride in Austin on Sunday. I finished 5 or 10 minutes ahead of Lance, and he had a head start. Never mind that I only did the 45 mile route, and he did the 65 or 90…possibly more than one lap… The hardest part was clearing enough cow dung out of the cleats so that I could clip in at the start.

Somehow the week has flown by and driving, sleeping, and eating took top priority over blogging. I wish I had been more diligent- there is always next year! 

I keep going over two visual images in my head as I think back over the week. On Tuesday, team dots rode the noon to six shift on the Natchez Trace. It was a beautiful day and the Trace is a great road for riding. We tried not to disrupt traffic too much so Jennifer and Keith took the bus on up the road and I got to ride behind the team. It was so awesome to watch them work together as a team. They protected one another from the wind and shouted encouragement when they were feeling tired. My heart was so full thinking about these five people that were out on the road for me and everyone else battling cancer. The team was successful only because they worked together, just as cancer patients need their team around them to successfully  beat this horrible disease. I loved watching my team be a team.

The other picture that keeps coming to mind and putting a smile on my face is from our last shift. The team rode from six to midnight on Wednesday as we made our way from Louisiana to Texas. As the sun started to set, the sky exploded in beautiful colors. I was driving in front of the team when JD came on the walkie talkie to say that the riders were dedicating the sunset to Jennifer and I for helping them during the week. I love sunsets, they may be my favorite part of the day. The team could not have known that I was mid conversation with God thanking him for each of my dot teammates and for gifting us with such an amazing sunset to ride into. The team’s show of gratitude in making that dedication was overwhelming to me as I believe it is I who need to show my overwhelming gratitude to them. They let a non-cyclists come on this trip and welcomed me on to the team with open arms. I will forever be grateful.

All week, as excited as I have been to be on this journey with wonderful new friends, I have felt incomplete in a small way. Anne and Tedd Garner, my friends who are really more like family are the ones who introduced me to p3c3 last year when I was a warrior for their team. They could not make the trip this year due to other responsibilities in Greenville and there were times this week, I just needed one of them to be with me. They are such a vital part of my own support team and not talking to them multiple times a day was a hard thing to get used to. When we arrived at the Embassy Suites in Austin yesterday, we had our big group celebration and all of the teams took pictures (polka dots climbed in the fountain for ours!) I went up to the room with Martha Laura and Ashley so we could change clothes and meet people in the lobby to go to lunch and the LiveStrong expo. We walked out our door and I looked down to the lobby to look for our group. I saw Scott and Robin talking to someone who looked a lot like Tedd but I knew it couldn’t be him because we had been texting and he was at work! I looked again and saw Anne. And then I lost it. All of the emotions of the week took over. My two wonderful friends knew that I needed them here this weekend, that they needed to be part of the celebration that this weekend symbolizes for me, so they orchestrated the best surprise I have ever had. The elevator could not carry me down four floor fast enough. I, the self proclaimed non hugger of the group, could not wait to hug the crazy Garners. With them here, everything was finally right. The feeling that something was off, that something was missing vanished and I could not wipe the smile off my face. 

I left an assignment for my creative writing class that I cannot wait to talk to them about when I get back to Greenville. I asked them to write a six word memoir. As I have spent my six hours in the car by myself driving across the country I have thought a lot about what my own six word memoir will be. It is not an easy task and I kept wondering if I should extend it to a ten word memoir. Six words does not leave room for rambling and the words must be thoughtfully and purposefully chosen. And so, this is what I have come up with, at least this memoir covers the last year- 
scars add character, cancer didn’t win.

There are cow statues everywhere here in Austin, kind of like the mice on main, only bigger, and not mice. They all appear to be cows, no bulls. Hmmm.

So, we were walking down 6th street looking for ice cream when I saw a penny lying on the sidewalk. I didn’t pick it up. I wonder what all of these mysterious splash marks are?…

At last, I found some chocolate milk! Now to find a section of wall with no starlings directly above.